Poem of Thought

The real me i rarely show,

The real me few people know,

My story I have never told,

But now as my baby I hold,

I think about how I got here,

When giving up was so near,

The trails that I have faced,

The rooms that I have paced,

The tears that I have cried,

But I have always tried,

To get up and to move on,

Now I have my gorgeous son,

And I know it was all to lead,

Me to the one who will need,

My love and support every day,

And now the only thing I can say,

Is I’m glad I went through everything I did,

And I’m glad that all of my pain I hid,

And that I stayed strong,

Through many wrongs,

And that I got up after falling,

And through everything I found my king,

I never gave up and never lost hope,

I always held tightly onto my rope,

I’m thankful for all of my past,

I’m thankful that pain never lasts,

My path has brought me to the best,

And I’m looking forward to the rest,

The rest of my life with my two main men,

With plenty of good stories to write with my pen.


Breathe in Peace, Breathe out Love

An old friend recently sent me the quote ‘breathe in peace, breathe out love‘. I have no idea where the qoute is from but I personally found it very inspiring and very meaningful to my everyday life.

How many times does negativity affect us ? How many times do we misunderstand life/people ? How many times do we get angry ? How many times do we bottle up our feelings inside ?

How many of you have ever realised when you feel at peace you are nicer, friendlier, politer. I know I definately am. Whenever I feel at peace with myself I am happier. I walk around with a smile on my face. I’d say I smile but sometimes it’s an akward grin I give to random people in the street. I’m more talkative and optimistic. I start conversations. I speak kinder. I’m more patient. I’m crazier (in a good way). I laugh more. I make other people laugh more. I show love and kindness to people I know and strangers alike.

Not that I’m a monster when I’m not at peace with myself, but I am definately more reserved. The most someone will get out of me is ‘Hi, how are you?‘ I don’t smile that much and I just kind of stay in my own bubble.

So anyway I’m rambling. Let’s get back to this quote.

Breathe in Peace, Breathe out Love

I would seriously advise anyone who is struggling to stay positive or struggling to deal with life, to follow this quote. Take a deap breath in and think of peace. Think of anything that makes you feel peaceful. Then automatically your breath out will release love. You’ll feel relaxed. You’ll feel at peace.

Some Blood is Thicker Than Stone, Some Blood is Thinner Than Air

We are all born with ‘blood relatives’. People who are our ‘family’. Parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. We call these people our ‘blood relatives’ because we share the same DNA. 50% with our parents and siblings, 25% with our grandparents, aunts and uncles, and 12.5% with our cousins. In simple terms, people like to say we share the same blood.

We’ve all heard the very famous proverb ‘blood is thicker than water‘, which is used to imply that family relationships/ties are always stronger than with friends or people we know. This proverb has been around since the year 1180, but personally I disagree.

Yes, I know scientifically blood is denser than water. But I totally disagree with the meaning behind the phrase. In some very rare cases, yes people have stronger relationships with their family. But in most cases the meaning of family is lost. I’m not talking about the normal family arguements that occur between people, everybody argues or disagrees at some point. What I’m talking about is family who are selfish. People who use you, abuse you.

I see too many families these days who don’t speak to each other, for no reason. I see many people ignored by their ‘so called family’, again for no reason. I see people making the effort for years to try and stay close to their family only to be rebuffed, pushed away, ignored. I see many families who live in the same house, yet don’t speak to each other for days/weeks on end.

I also see some families where some members are always in contact. They are always there for each other and help each other out. They support and cherish each other. They also tell it how it is, and give advice even if it’s something you don’t want to hear, because bottom line is they care.

A lot of people say the only way for families to get together and talk these days are at weddings and funerals. Unfortunately for some people, if their families are anything like mine – family won’t get together even for those things.

As a Muslim I was taught as a child that family is No. 1. That you put family first. That you help family. That you care for family. That you give family time. Now I’ve grown up I’ve seen my family do the opposite. Not all of them but the majority. And I’m fully for the whole ‘practise what you preach’. Don’t teach children that family is No. 1 if you’re only going to take the sense of family away from them. Prepare them for reality, don’t set them up for an uncalled for rejection and disappointment.

So, ladies and gentlemen. I personally will NOT teach my children that ‘blood is thicker than water‘. I will teach them my own saying, my own belief, my own discovery.

Some blood is thicker than stone, and some blood is thinner than air.

I hope you all learn from it too. I’m not saying don’t be close to your family, but don’t give your all to people who won’t give you any of them. Don’t force yourself on people who want nothing to do with you. Be that family or friends.

And remember one thing.

You can make your own family. Family doesn’t have to be in relation to ‘blood relatives’. Families are people who share commitment to a mutual relationship. Your friends can be more family to you than your ‘blood relatives’. You don’t have to share the same blood to be there, to care, to feel like family.

Slave to Society

When we look at the definitions of slaves and society we will find the definition of people today. Unfortunately the world and the governments have enslaved the people, without them realizing.

A slave: a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them.

Society: A group of people living together in an ordered community.

We are blinded by phrases like ‘equality’ and ‘freedom’ but in reality we are controlled from a young age. We are shaped, formed, modeled into what society believes we should do.

We are taught how to act, how to think, how to question, how to believe.

We are brought up being told be yourself, but when yourself breaks out of the molds of society you are labelled as different, not normal, strange, undisciplined.

Even in our uniqueness society tries to enslave us under a definition, under a label.

But break free. Break free from the chains that are holding you. Break free from the ‘norm’. Break free from the labels. Break free from society.

You are your own person.

You don’t have to defined, or controlled, by society.

Be yourself.

Make your own rules.

Don’t wait to be excepted.

Be you !

Lost & Found

In order to find something you have to lose it first, or to not have had it to begin with. You don’t have to be searching for it, sometimes you just discover it – by chance, unexpectedly.

You might feel lost, feel like you haven’t found yourself, feel like you’re still on a discovery to find who you are. When you feel lost just know that it means you’re on the path to be found.

Your path might be short, it might be long. You may find yourself in your own city, your own house. You may have to travel to a different city, a different country. Your journey may take a few days, a few month, or it may take years and years. It might come to you naturally. It may take the help of your friends and family. Or, if you’re anything like me, it may be a hard decision. You may have to take your journey alone, leaving behind everyone you know to be able to get in touch with ‘you’.

I was lost. I didn’t know who I was, or who I was supposed to be. I felt completely out of sync with everyone I knew. I felt like life was broken. So, I left my life behind and traveled nearly 3500 km to a place where I knew no one. I spent weeks, months starting a new life. I discovered a new culture, new people. It was an escape. But unexpectedly, out of the blue, I knew who I was. It was through discovering others that I found that I had discovered myself.

I became strong. I became happy. I knew where I wanted to be.

Sometimes we don’t understand why we feel the way we do. Sometimes we don’t understand why we are doing what we are doing. Sometimes we don’t understand what we are meant to do. But patience. Patience is the key.

Be patient. Don’t be afraid. Have faith. Have hope.

In the end, everything will work out. You will find your place. You will find you. No matter how lost you feel now. Now matter how far away you are from where you want to be. You will get there in the end.

Amal (Hope)

When I was a child I never really understood the meaning of my name. Coming from a mixed background I just knew I had an ‘Arabic’ name. It wasn’t until I started high school that I found out my name Amal actually means hope. It was then then that a lot of things clicked into place for me.

Hope. Which we can define as either ‘a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen‘ or ‘a person or thing that may help or save someone‘. Understanding the meaning of my name gave me (and I know it sounds corny but…) hope. Something I have never been able to lose since.

Whenever I’m lost I always say to myself “Well Amal, your name means hope. If you lose hope, you’ll lose yourself. Once you’re lost, it’s hard to find yourself again. Hold on to that line of hope, no matter how thin it appears to be.” It has helped me become who I am today. It has helped me survive with a smile on my face (there might have been tears in my eyes too, but trust me there has always been a smile), no matter how rough the waters got.

Not only that but I always ask myself how can I live with hope without giving hope to others? How can I face the world with a smile whilst seeing the sadness in other peoples eyes or face? How can I see people lost, with no hope, without giving them some of mine?

So, I came to the conclusion that God brought me into the world and my parents named me Amal, as a sign or hint or my purpose in life;
1) To always desire for things to get better, not just for myself but for others too, and
2) To help or save those who need it.

Amal, Hope. You’ll always find it. You’ll always find me.

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